This is wonderful

I can't tell you the exact date, I can tell you the exact moment, the exact feeling, the exact time and the exact day, but not the date. I am sure that someone else can tell me... I remember my head spinning and I remember trying to stay calm and focused. I remember Andrea praying and Nicki just taking them without any problems. I remember getting lost in Pontiac and that is what undid me. I remember Julia getting me back on track. I remember seeing him in the ER, getting ready for surgery and he is cracking jokes (he was on drugs).

I remember waiting and waiting in the surgery waiting room and I remember the surgery bouncing on his toes to talk to me. I remember that moment, because I knew that he was okay. I did not remember the surgeons name, but I remember him bouncing. He was excited because the breaks were really really bad and he got to put them together again.

It is nearly one year ago, when Steve crashed. One year has nearly passed and things have been really wonderful. I know that this must sound so crazy... because he is not employed, but things are wonderful.

He is walking. He is running, he is playing hockey. Yes, I said it, playing hockey. In his defense.. "I did not break my legs playing hockey." He loves it and he needs to be active, it is part of who is his, so he is playing hockey. And this is wonderful.

He has a hitch in his step, he is build differently now, and he has a lot of pain some days. But none of this slows him down. He is very active and very determined. He likes to have full days, and does not like to stop until the day is near the end. I like to think that he is doing this to prove that he can manage a full day of work on his feet the whole time and function. And he is. At night, some nights, it is difficult for him, the pain is great, but that is okay, because he is capable and stubborn and continues to use the princess ice packs to reduce the swelling in his knees. This is wonderful.

So if any of you out there are looking for a strong, determined, focused and stubborn worker, boy do I have one for you?! And goodness it would be wonderful if he were working again.

He does not like being out of work... me I love it. Of course the difference is that I know that I am going back to a job in the fall, and he wants to start a job now. I love sleeping till 8am, I love getting dressed some time before noon and I love decided what to do whenever... this is really wonderful.

The girls and I have been trying to entertain our selves with little money and it is fun. Sprinklers, bike rides and games. I feel the stress of the money, but they do not and to me that is (wait for it) wonderful.

I know that things will be okay, his unemployment benefits expire in September, so I am little nervous, but I know that things will be okay one day. He is alive, my children are happy and I sleep until 8am... so all in all, this is wonderful.

Stop Growing

I am avoiding doing some work right now, so it is best to do something else instead. Like blog! Because I know that people are really missing my thoughts.

My baby turned five. That is amazing... and I guess that I can say that she is not my actual baby because she is my oldest. My real baby, the youngest, turned three a few months ago.

Every year, I write a letter to my babies on their birthday. And I have not written Andrea's yet. She will be five and one month in the next few days and I have not written her letter yet. I love the letters to be full of my thoughts, what I have seen each child do over the past year and even my hopes and wishes. But right now, I have only one thing to say to Andrea. "STOP" Just stop growing, stop getting older, just stop. I am not ready for her to be five, not yet. I fell in love with her at birth and right when I thought it was no longer possible to love her more, she became two. At two she became a big sister, she was a giving and loving and amazing big sister. This made me love her even more. And then she became three, oh my goodness, she developed and blossomed into this amazingly smart little child. She started preschool and blew me away, it was hard at first, she was REAL shy, but she worked through it, gain confidence and then just started to learn and learn and learn. She is such a good learner, she scares me... in a good way. And then she became four. I loved her at four, she was smart, and had just the right amount of sass to her. You know the funny kind, but also knew when to stop with it just by the look on my face. I loved her arguments. One time, she told me that I did not get a say in teh matter because I was not the boss. God was the boss. Of me and of her. So God got a say. (I laughed once I calmed down) See, the right amount of sass. She is thoughtful, considerate and kind. And then she turned five.

Now don't panic. She did not grow a second head or anything. She just turned five. And she stopped being four. She gets herself dressed now. She gets her self out of bed and was playing in the front room, because she was big enough to be up by herself. She gets her own snack down from the cupboard. She rides a bike and she tells me "no mom, I can do it by myself, I need to learn how."

I am not ready for this. I am just not ready for her to do or be any of this.

I feel like I have handled my crazy year well. I have done so with humor and dignity.

But I am not handling this. So, I did what any good mom would do, I told her to stop growing and that she was grounded until she agreed. And she said what any good five year old would say. "Mom, you better like five because I will be six really soon and then what."

Just the right amount of sass.

So, I did the next best thing, I told my three year old to be three for a while and she of course said, "I too bizsy, I big girl, I not baby no more." She has a little more than the right amount of sass, she has all of the sass! I will not be sad when she turns five, I will be scared. But I have time.

I will not talk about how old I will be this year. I refuse to talk about it, think about it or even accept it. Let's just say, that I am youthful in my thinking and energy.

Steve and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. This I will talk about. This is fun. I don't know what we are going to do, can't really afford to do anything, but stare lovingly into eachother's eyes and recite words of love and longing to eachother. And then drink beer and watch hockey. You know both of our dream nights.

so, I asked Steve if we should have a third child. And he said that we should. Because he said "every man who is unemployed, can't find a job, struggling to pay our bills and still recovering from an accident in which he broke both of his legs should take on a third child. Clearly it is the right time for our family."

Did I mention that I think Sassiness is inherited?