What?!

Okay, I will start this story to tell you that there is an inside voice and an outside voice. No, I am not crazy, I am perfectly sane and in control of myself, I just don't always say what I am thinking.

I am not sure how many people are reading this blog, Steve tells me that there are TONS of people, because when speaking to him, they reference this site. I, based on the comments on the blog, believe that there are three people. So, if I unintentionally make you uncomfortable with my inside voice, just remember that I firmly believe that I am speaking to Tammy, Nikki and my mom (and of course God can read my thoughts and knows my ever changing heart), I don't know who else reads it!

Let me disclaim that I believe firmly that I and my family are blessed by God's spirit, love and grace, so the following may be negative and cynical, but we KNOW how blessed we are.

My day so far: 2am: "MOMMMMMMMMMMM" I don't know about you, but at 2am, I am never sure who is crying, they all sound the same at 2am. Inside voice "WHAT?!" screaming back. Outside voice is quiet, as I get up without sound so that I don't wake up my "in pain" husband (What?! I did not say Pain in my... husband, stop putting words in my mouth.) I stealth like check the first room, there is nothing worse than checking on the wrong child and waking her up too. Bingo... "mommmmmmmmmieeeeee" "Shhh shh baby.. what do you need (quietly)" (inside voice "make it good girl" grrrr). "I need you". I see that she is sleeping on her blanket, I cover her up with another and rub her back. Five minutes later, silence. Inside voice: YES! loudly. No outside voice whatsoever. Back to bed.

3am: Would you believe that my bladder decided that it was time to get up.... WHAT?!

4am: "ugh" "ow" "ew" all coming from the left side of me. My inside voice screams "WHAT?! COME ON!" My outside voice just waits em pathetically, he does have two broken legs, be patient.

4:15 am: see above "ugh" "och" "moan"

4:45am: shift, deep sigh, deep breath, "uch"

5am: more moaning, my inside voice says "WHAT?! Seriously?! COME ON?!" My outside voice says: "Can I help you honey" Steve: "No, Yes, I don't know" Me: "Are you in pain, do you need a pill" (inside voice: or a pillow over your face?!). Steve: "What? Oh, yeah, can you help me? They are in the other room." I get up and get him a pill, some water, all the way trying to stay "asleep".

6am: silence. no noise, nothing. ahhh, thank God. And yet, Man plans, God laughs.
6:50am: MOMMMMMIE I UP.
Me: Inside voice: What?! UGH... NOOOOOOOOOOO
6:51am: MOMMIEEEEE I up NOW
Me: Will she be quiet if I ignore her, the book says to ignore her.
6:52am: UP NOW, Mommmmieee
WHAT?! Okay, up now.

And so it begins, breakfast, start coffee for Steve, Erica and I have a wonderful discussion about the need to drink milk first and then juice. "No Milk Juice NOW" was her point, mine was "Milk First, then Juice" all said quietly in hopes that Steve can get some needed rest and Andrea can sleep. Discussion settled, I put on TV (Don't judge me!) on the Dora for some cult like activity and I turn to get into the shower.
MOMMMMEEEEE!!!

Inside voice: WHAT?! Outside: Yes, Erica

"I new cereal."

"No, finish what you have" (I did not look, I assumed)

"It's ucky."

"And when it is all gone you can have more."

This time I nearly get the door closed, the on...

"Mommmeeee"

WHATTATATAT?! "Yes honey"

"Dhrah elpng oots."

"What?!"

"Dhrah elpng oots." "Oh.... Dora is helping boots. Okay, I need to get into the shower" "otay mommieee"


"MOMMMMMMMMM"

WHAAAATTTTT?! (really I said "What honey")

"I want to get out of bed now" (Andrea)

"Then go ahead"

"Come and get me"

WHAT?! Okay, everyone deserves a good waking up. In I go, half undressed. I should know better. Cereal, Milk, TV. Yeah TV! (DON'T JUDGE)

Cell phone rings... WHAATTT?!

Oh, need to take this one, go downstairs to confirm something.

Home phone rings.... UGHH WHAAAAAATT?! Voice mail (sorry, whoever you were, I can only do so much).

Steve calls, he needs help with something. WHHATTT?!

Okay, I am calmer when I get to him, because he is trying really hard to be independent, he is fun to watch, because everything is hard and laborious and he is trying so hard. I go and help him, and he is almost always grateful (unlike my little darlings... I need to work on gratitude when I have time) because he says, I have my hands full and he does not want to add to it. AHHHH, this is why I married him. My hands full... WHAT?! No?!

Okay, out of the shower, getting both girls dressed and ready for babysitter, so that I can take Steve to different places without two children hanging on us. Load up car with girls, get Steve moving to living room (he is able to dress himself now and he is able to get himself washed up, so he is less maintenance than the girls).

Get Girls to babysitters, back home to load up the wheelchair and walker and off to Steve's work, grocery store and therapy appointment. Have I mentioned that I feel like I have taken 10,000 steps and it has really only been 2,000. I will not fill you in on the details, because it was the same conversation over and over. What happened, look at the pictures, where he is hurt, how is his pain, what has he been doing... etc.

Many people were happy to see him, and pleased with him standing there and coming in with a walker. Amazed that he is not in casts (inside voice: "WHAT?! He is not faking it?! He did break both legs in four places, I swear?!) Outside voice, smile and nod! I don't know how he is not in cast, it is amazing, but because he is not, his recovery is daily, so we are glad that he is not, however it is hard to believe that he really broke both of his legs. The warm greeters and interested people warmed Steve, made him feel like he has a place at work and that who he is and what he does is important, so thanks to all of you today for taking the time to talk with him. We can so he could talk to his boss, who was in Mexico. What?! Man plans, God laughs. Two hours later, we left (Smile and nod). During this time frame, my cell phone rings twice (WHAT NOW?!) Walker in car, Steve in car. Off to the grocery store.

He was in his wheelchair, standing with walker for two hours was alot for him today, so he wheeled around the store, looking at stove and I said "No" alot. It was just like the girls... he is bored and was looked at ALL kinds of things that he could "do" from a sitting position. "No, we don't need that" "No, we don't have room for that" "No, they want how much?! No." "What? NO" (We also did not need the cheese cake, but come on I have been up since 2!)

Back home, unload Steve, the groceries and feel faint. It is 1pm and I have not eaten, get Steve's lunch set up and then mine. I don't even remember what it was, but I am sure that it was good. What?! Who has time to taste.

30 minutes later back in the car for therapy. Race there, wheel him in, fill out paperwork and then wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Did I mention that Patience was NOT my virtue. Finally (10 minutes late) therapy. Race back home, pretend to do some work, pick up Steve, pick up Girls and then home for a spell. I sit down. Not for long, but I did.

WHAT?! I am tired. Don't judge, I know that there are dishes in the sink, they are not going any where. Trust me, They haven't moved in hours.

My phone rings... WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!

"I just wanted to let you know that I have not been praying for Steve."

"What?!"

"I have been praying for you, because I know that you love your family and your life and I know that you might have needed a little love and grace from God right now. Many have been praying for your family, this one was for you."

"What..."

Thank you to all of those who are patient with me, with us. Thank you to all who have reached out to Steve.

Each day is a new day, he is growing stronger (and more stubborn) and the fact that it takes 45 minutes for me to actually get in to a shower, means that my family is alive and well and blessed. And to see my husband try so hard to be whole again and feel blessed at the same time, like each step, each reach, each stand is a miracle and he is loved by us, you and God.

What?