Good Night

I am just reading a few blogs with the intention of going to bed. I am tired. I don't need anyone to answer or feel sorry for me, I just want to say outloud that I am tired. I will be okay, we will be okay, but I am tired.

This journey has been life altering, in good and bad ways and it is not over and I am prepared to follow it to the end. But I am tired. Bone weary, eye hurting tired.

So much is relying on me to be strong, to be focused, to be in control, in charge and calm. So many need to me to be okay, because right now, I am the one in the my family who has full energy, full strength, and full emotions. But I am tired.

And Yet, I can't sleep. I find this interesting. Some days, when I can't sleep, I pray, for the people in my life, to make this journey safe and for sleep. Just a little sleep.

I always feel selfish, because so many people need so much, but if I just get some sleep then maybe I can continue to fight the fight, lead the journey and protect my family.

I believe that God has been invovlved in my life every day each moment and I am in awe of how much He is helping be That person that I need to be. Even though I am tired.

Life is not fair. I hope that Steve's company realizes that in one moment, they broke my broken healing husband, made him question what he is, forced him to start the process to recreate who he should be and made me tired.


I don't need comments, I want to be strong and brave and capable and inspiration. I want all of your to know and believe that I am. But right now I am just tired.

"Hold my hand God, Lead the way, Help me be good everyday, Let me know what's rong and right, Keep me safe all through the night, Let me know what you have planned, Lead me the way God, Hold my hand. Amen."

Good Night, I pray.